e v e r y d a y d i a l o g u e

Bergman and Scenes from a Marriage

2010-07-29T00:50:00.003+01:00

Let me just release this thoughts hovering in my head.

I'd had such an outburst relief and gratitude of the film, Another Woman, by Woody Allen, and followed his inspiration for the film, Wild Strawberries by Bergman, which I loved most amongst Bergman’s other well-respected films that bored me and failed me to watch them to the end. However I got very excited about this film titled, Scenes from a Marriage.
After watching some of his best known films, despite being so curious about the film for its title I hesitated to see this for months. It was just because, I got so sick of this woman, Liv Ullmann.
I think, for now, I will have no regret to see her face in any kind of film or any other media. I totally totally hate her face. She has this, such an irritating artificial layer that prevents my emotional appreciation of the person she impersonates. Her acting is overrated.
And I am thinking it may be the reason why it didn't worry me at all when I thought I wanted to watch 'Wild Strawberries' again. She is in almost every film of Bergman but he hadn't found her just yet at the time.
However, anyway, tonight, I thought I was being absurd not watching the film if I really wanted to know what my favourite film director had to say about marriage or possibly any kind of committed relationship. It doesn't matter who's in it, does it?
I am not sure if it is quite right to say that I loved the film. But I must say that it was very well executed. I would say that I enjoyed comparing my view and Bergman's. And the pathetic story of, probably, most people's marriage as I gather, reassured myself that my assumption and understanding about most marriages are fair.

There is this girl I have known for a year and an half or so. I think she is good at making good first impression on people and also makes an effort to be in continuous contact with you. And this is how I got into a 'keeping in touch' with her up until now. I am not saying she is no good after all. In fact, she is polite (in her own way and in most commonly expected and acceptable way) and kind (also in her very own way and in most commonly expected and acceptable way). She is an upbeat driven artist, who makes abstract paintings which are about 'spiritual, physical and literal containment of improvisational moments of creation'. She is obviously 'concerned with the representation of the inner world and attempts to harness the inner movement of life, which is inspired by the realm of nature and spirit, in order to create image from the inner world, that lies somewhere between creation and existence'.
At first I was slightly zealous of her being happily married and doing very well to pursue her career as a professional artist.
The more I get to see her with her husband the more sceptical I have become. (To be continued)

The way you look at me

2010-06-24T01:17:00.000+01:00

What do you want to do?
umm, I just want to be able to do what my heart says. I do not necessarily want money or fame. I would be quite happy if I earn some money to live, I mean to feed myself, get to see some art and have some time to spend for myself. I mean at the end of the day, everyone's the same in a way. All we want is to be loved, to be treated with respect and have some comforts. Some people try to achieve that by having a good job, some do by getting a lot of money and some do by building a family.
Oh,yeah. I agree. I understand what you mean.
I just want to get old gracefully. You know, someone who is able to keep their mind open and to have a good understanding towards others. All I want for life is the same but what I try to achieve that is just to be a good human-being, follow my heart and to be able to listen what it says.

Beautiful Russian ladies

2010-04-22T01:05:00.004+01:00

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Newham NHS

2010-04-01T02:22:00.000+01:00

Sent: 25 March 2010 15:40
To: *NPCT - Feedback
Subject: Complaint/Enquiry-Glen Road Medical Centre

Dear Sir or Madam,

I live in Caraway Close, E13 8PN.
I am new to this area and have been trying to register with a female doctor. I found 'Glen Road Medical Centre' as the nearest GP, which has female doctors. I went there to register this morning but the receptionist named Sue Jackson refused me. She said I don't live in their catchment area so I have to go somewhere else. I tried to explain that 'Glen Road Medical Centre' appeared as the fourth nearest GP in my area and the distance between my house is only 0.4mile. The receptionist, Sue Jackson insisted that half a mile is not catchment area, so she can't help me.

I phoned Find a Doctor Service on 020 8586 6298, and funnily enough the lady suggested me 'Glen Road Medical Centre'. I told the lady that I was refused to register with them because the receptionist thinks that I don't live in their catchment area. The lady told me I should write a demand letter to the GP, but I am already put off by the way the receptionist treated me. I no longer have intention to register with 'Glen Road Medical Centre', but to complain about the receptionist.

She seemed really confident, but the NHS website also says I don't have to choose the nearest GP and shows all the GPs within 5miles..
I am a little confused so I would be very grateful if you can clarify what the catchment area means. And I would like to know whether the receptionist at 'Glen Road Medical Centre' was right to refuse me.

Regards,
Bommsoon Lee
-------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Bryson Richard - Communications Manager On Behalf Of *NPCT - Communications
Sent: 25 March 2010 16:00
To: Hetherington Geoff - Consumer Relations Manager
Subject: FW: Lee (GMP) complaint

Hi Geoff,

Are you the correct person to pass on with this complaint/enquiry

Kind regards,

Richard Bryson
Communications Manager
NHS Newham
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
date26 March 2010 17:41
subjectRE: Complaint about GP registration

Dear Ms Lee,

Your e-mail to the PCT's communications address has been passed to me.

I a sorry to read of the difficulty you had in trying to register with the Practice of your choice on the grounds of living outside its catchment area. Practices are entitled to have catchment areas, notified to the Primary Care Trust, and these can be related to local geography or road layout, and do not have to be a regular circle around the Practice. Thus, it is possible to live close to a Practice but still find that the address is outside the catchment area boundary, whilst in a different direction an address farther away is still within the boundary.

The point-to-point distance software used by the PCT's Find-a-Doc Service to calculate the nearest GP to enquirers cannot take account of the strange shapes Practices' catchment areas make on a map, although there is nevertheless a broad correlation between distance away and falling within the catchment area.

Having been affected by a decision or action of an NHS body (by being prevented from registering), you are entitled to make a complaint about it, although it is likely that the response will be that the address you live at is outside the Practice boundary and that will be justification enough. The Practice might choose to explain why the boundary is where it is, which is likely to be because of the number of patients registered with the Practice, but that would be for the Practice to decide on if you did make a complaint. NHS Newham's Medical Director has already seen your e-mail and has determined that, if you confirmed that you wanted to complain, it would be more appropriate for the Practice to deal with it and you should send your complaint to the Practice.

However, I have been in touch with the Practice Manager, Anita Vallamkonda, and whilst she has confirmed that your address is outside the catchment area, she has agreed to register you if you still want to go there. If you are able to go on Monday, she will be expecting you. Please ask for her by name and take with you the documentation Practices require to register patients - proof of identity and proof of address.

I hope this action adequately addresses your needs.

Yours sincerely,
Geoff Hetherington.
Mr J G Hetherington,
Consumer Relations Manager (Complaints & Clinical Records),
NHS Newham

------------------------------------------------------------------------
date27 March 2010 17:39

Dear Mr Hetherington,

Thank you very much for your email.

Given your explanation, I understand that the receptionist at Glen Road Medical Centre was not wrong. I therefore will not make a formal complaint to the Practice. Rather, I now feel that I was misled by the lady at the Find a Doctor Service saying that my address is within the Practice's catchment area and also by the NHS website giving so very little information about the catchment area, but only shows nearest GPs' information, as if they are all possible practices I can choose from.

I have to say, I have not been in the UK for all my life and it may be elementary knowledge you do teach kids, still people are reluctant to remember. As a matter of fact, I had also spoken to some other people including a receptionist and a nurse at the Newham University Hospital Walk in Centre on that day about my difficulty, to determine my position before I wrote to the PCT. And it seems to me that the meaning of catchment area and what really the NHS's Find a Doctor Service system does are not only hardly known to the general public, but also to the people working in NHS as they suggested that I should look out for the same post code as my address, which again was not exactly helpful. Here, I am not trying to generalise everyone working in NHS, yet want to explain what happened to me on the same day in detail to you.

I do really appreciate all your effort to help my case and the kind offer from the Practice Manager to make an exception for me, but I do not wish to accept something is not fair.

What I wish to see is that this correspondence would prompt improvement on the system in such a way of showing possible practices by their catchment areas and to make the information known to the public clearly, as this seemingly a mere individual experience could be everyone else's.

Kind regards,
Bommsoon Lee

Gasworks experience

2010-03-11T23:04:00.003Z

Dear all

I visited Gasworks this afternoon and thought I should make some comments.

When I walked in there was a group of people having a discussion(more like a lecture in fact) about the exhibition.
They were sitting and standing by the screen, so I first had a look at the works on the other sides and waited in the hope that I could watch the film when they have finished and move out of the screen.
Despite the fact that there were other audiences waiting to watch the film, the group didn't seem to care to move away from the screen.
I asked one of your staff members whether they can ask them to shift from the screen a bit. I was simply told that I should just wait until they've finished because Gasworks has a limited space. I then questioned that why this occasion was not publicly notified and if it was I should have been able to avoid the inconvenience.
I understand that this kind of occasions would normally create interesting dynamics, and may be very important to your gallery regarding funding and public relations. However, there are also people like me who would like to experience works with minimum disruption.
I am not convinced that being a small space means unable to notifiy audience what's going on in the space to prepare for themselves and unable to guide a bigger group to care to remember other audience.

I hope you would kindly take my observation into account for your future operation of the gallery.

Regards
Bommsoon Lee

-------Amy Walker to me, kristel, alessio, gemma
show details 12 Mar (7 days ago) ---------------

Dear Bommsoon

Thank you for email. I am sorry to hear that you had a bad experience visiting Gasworks.

Unfortunately sometimes large group visits, such as the one yesterday, are organised at short notice and it is not possible for us to let other visitors know about any potential disruption in advance.

We have taken your comments into consideration and will aim to make sure that all our visitors have a good experience at Gasworks in the future.

Best wishes

Amy

--
Amy Walker
Deputy Director
Triangle Arts Trust & Gasworks

So, what now then?

2009-11-22T00:37:00.000Z

You are upset, aren't you?
Yeah.
Everybody likes you.
Hum, I don't like everybody.
You don't.
No, I don't. But you wouldn't know, would you?
No.
You don't know, then shut up!
(giggles)

Is she going home?
I hope so.

memories of the cabinet 1999

2009-10-14T20:50:00.005+01:00

So, did you talk to him?
Yes, a little.
What did you talk about? How did you find him?
I asked him these and those. And he's given me ever so clear and intelligent answers to my questions.
Did you like him?
I'm not sure if I liked him, but thought you might like him, do you?
Pttt. No. I loved his first film. You know it's a beautiful piece of work, so sharp and dazzling with bitter reality. But this, his second one feels a bit artificial, at least I felt it was when I went to the private screening. I didn't like the way he was when I first met him. There was something I couldn't trust what he said. And after the private screening, while we were moving to a pub, he came near me and asked what I thought of the final edition of the film we all saw in the screening.
And?
I told him that I was disappointed.
And?
He said he found me very sexy.
And?
I told him to fuck off.
Is that all?
That's all.
Do you want some chocolate?
No, thanks.

Searching; a girl at the age of puberty and the work of art to be done

2009-10-07T20:06:00.003+01:00

I saw it and, and I thought, thought my standard's gone down to a low level.
You liked it, didn't you.
Yes, I did. And I thought I am probably being very generous about it. I couldn't be more judgemental, because it's yours.
Sure. It could happen.
It reminded me of Chirico's, sort of one of his work. You know I like his work.
It sounds like...I may have seen his work. I should have. I'm sure I have but can you spell his name for me?
C.H.I.R.I.C.O. DE CHIRICO.
Ok. Got it. Aha. Well, I see where you are coming from.

The whole thing just felt like a girl at the age of puberty...the unmellowed beauty.

I don't want to be ashamed of myself.
Nor do I.
I thought I like people.
And? But?
I don't think I do now.
You don't?
When others told me that they didn't think I like people, I disagreed. But I'm thinking the reason why I thought I like people was just because I needed people. I don't certainly need people as much as others do, so if I feel I needed people, how scarce people have I, huh?...well, do you want to talk about your angst and doubt?
No, let's just talk about your thing first.
Why?
Because it's my story, too. And our interest in common is stories about H and B. Anyway, when you've told me that...you like me, don't you.
I do. You know that.
So then your relationship is fine. I've met so many people as you know. Of course, there may also be a lot of people who meet more people than I do. But if I now didn't have you, I would be really lonely. I've been thinking about what it is to like the other.
If I didn't have you, I would be thinking of ending this life.
Uh-huh. I've never seen anyone seeming to like the other sincerely, but there was someone who's got a nice facial expression, thinking of others as the oneself, so peaceful. I guess it's coming from both one's own respect for and trust in oneself. That's not what everyone can do. The problem is that we've become very lonely. I think what it is to like others is to understand we all are lonely and to try to learn about. It couldn't just be sweet. It would be like having a meal. Breadwinning is not easy. You are going through a hard time so that you learn a lot.

Wasabi peas

2009-10-05T13:22:00.001+01:00

Do you know how we can keep on living?
Well...right now I don't want to, not sure if I can.
We forget things. You won't rememer this moment after all.
Forgetfulness is a gift for all human-beings.

A man with a common sense

2009-09-03T14:59:00.004+01:00

Have you ever noticed that your index fingernail's growing faster than the rest?
You mean the one on my right hand?
Yes.
Yes, I have actually.
So, you were saying I shouldn't talk to him in depth?
Yes. I don't think it helps you. It will soon go meaningless and that will suffocate you.
I must say, it has been something like that. Not that the meaninglessness suffocated me, but surely I haven't found much fascination as we carried on deeper conversation and most time I get angry.
Why?
I feel I went through a smelly bin trying to find something germ-free.
Did you think the bin would be clean?
I hoped it would be. 'BIN' is just a type of thing designed to store rubbish, I thought it can still be for other use.
Like what?
Like, I bought a container that meant to be a little bin, but I used it to store raw rice, you know.
Okay. Here is difference. You couldn't ever know where the bin's been, I mean the bin you went through. You just hoped it would be clean. But the bin you are using it to store food has never been exposed to contamination, it is clear to your knowledge, at least, you don't have to hope for it.
I hoped we could be friends.
Trust your instinct. Did you ever really see any connection?
No. But I'm not sure. Was there any between H, S and E and myself? I don't know. Yeah, may be there were something I thought it had been written for us.
No, no. Don't go too far. So, there were some distinct facts or feelings.
Yes, you can say that.
Try to be a bit more specific, that's what you need to do.
People try to make me realise how little friends I have and how little time I spend time with them. I don't understand why it so much matters to them.
You do understand it, but apparently when you said that you don't understand, you don't like it.
No, I don't.

The best thing of the day

2009-08-27T02:04:00.001+01:00

You drink every day.
Um, Yeah, I like it.
You are alcoholic.
Nope. I only do a little and I can easily go without it.
No, you can't.
I can. But I do need a drink tonight. Because it makes my life easy! You should try it.
What's it so hard for you?
(Pause)You think your life is the hardest to live, but life is as hard as you make it. You think everybody else’s is easy, and I know you feel sorry for yourself but.
I didn't say my life is the hardest and everybody else's is easy. I said, what is it so hard for you? And, what? You feel sorry for yourself?
No. You feel sorry for yourself.
I feel sorry for myself? Why?
Um, no, no. I shouldn't have said that. Sorry. (Pause) Uh, I have a privilege that I don't deserve.
Yes, you have a privilege but I don't know if you don't deserve it or not.
I just have it. I didn't earn it.
No, you didn't.

I had this weird dream last night, I wrote.

2009-08-13T16:39:00.007+01:00

I thought the bitterness of cigarette in your saliva was rather similar to the taste of blood.
Did I tell you that I thought the music you wrote was very good? Yeah, I did think so. You are pleased. I'm pleased to see you are. I've always liked your sincere face whether you frown, explode with fury or bear discontent, try to catch implications, you come to a conclusion or decision, and you are satisfied and even smug or disappointed and distressed, but most time indifferent. I am not sure if there was any illusion sometimes.
And your dad is a dancer? He danced for me to your music for a short while when you've gone, only using his upper body. I am sure it was for me, because he looked at me trying to observe my reaction at the end of his performance. Once he started I soon knew his performance was going to impress me. It was quiet, succinct and modest on the whole but there were also poetic implications with intensity, just the way I like things.
You kindly asked me if I wanted to have a rest so if I wanted a bathroom. When you left me by the door of the bathroom, I realised that the level of the bathroom was at the height of my knee. I had to step up as I went into the room.
The bathroom was dim and grey, but it was shimmery with warm yellow light, as the bare cement wall indicated its very skilful hard-working labour so is he proud of himself.
It was a spacious room but didn't include a toilet nor had a bath. There was only a rubber hose attached to a water tap and a plastic wash bowl on the floor.
I needed a wee so I just pulled my trousers down then try to wee on the floor. As I was uncomfortable of doing it I couldn't relax the muscle to pee for a few seconds. And I started to worry whether I was being watched once I realised that there was no toilet tissue. I turned my head around the room and found a little window, felt bad. I poured a big bowl of water to wash it away.

Sheer jealousy

2009-07-29T23:28:00.001+01:00

Did it help you keep going forward or backwards?
What's the matter?
What's the matter? I don't know I just can't breathe at the moment.
She said, she said, ah, I might be in the eye of typhoon. I mean she, she is right.
What is it you are so afraid of?
You don't have to tell me, I know I'm going nowhere. I will dig in and wait.

When laziness and cowardice have taken over you

2009-07-10T05:03:00.001+01:00

I know, I'm completely fucked.

It all pertains to your flesh; retrospection of her instinct

2009-07-02T09:35:00.001+01:00

Wow, you look great.

Here is the deal. I will help you this time but I want you to bring me some real jobs to make money.

You freaked me out. You are a freak. I just couldn't believe someone actually can say such things in the first encounter. Did you think it is OK to do with me?

Oh, wow.
Yeah, that's awful.
I read two books.

Oh, god. He is lovely.
It didn't bother me.
He looked at my breasts slightly exposed by the flare of my purple top.

Such a warm and kind hearted person.
I thought.
I just pulled my top supposed to cover my flesh.
I didn't come up to a dirty conclusion.

Yeah, he is very nice.
She said.

You know, at the end of his performance, I had an urge to jump up to the stage and give him a kiss.
That's an animalistic reaction.
I pertain to meat.

I wondered why this woman would want to say that. She was trying to sucking up to her and did know she has really bad taste.

I was just trying to be friends with you. I thought you confided to me so I felt I should do something in return. You were faking, I see.

The look, when you said his paper was the best for you on the day, did make you suspicious, didn't it. And you did think there was no meat in the conversation.

The night in the period of indolence through the agency of surrender

2009-06-08T00:46:00.009+01:00

Tomorrow, I will be looking at the tangled affairs have been pressing me down for days in a right mood some time before it kills itself.

What were you born for?

2009-05-17T18:30:00.003+01:00

Happy birthday to you.
Have a great day.
...Thank you, I guess.
But the question is, should I be happy for being older?
Why shouldn't you be?
Well, I guess I am just getting old not getting mature.
What I have been thinking for the last few days was committing suicide. I don't like my life this way.
That's again, a matter of expectation. What do you want more?
Perhaps, she was right. She is right.
I need to talk to her.
She wouldn't like to.
You then have to swallow this fever.
People get married, have children, make a family, all of which are making a commitment...to, to have something to hang on to.
What are you thinking of?
Nothing.
Don't get your hopes up.
I won't.

Three sentences to awake; feels that way

2009-05-04T13:54:00.002+01:00

Ah, she's not like me.
She has a family where she belongs and rests for xy.
She is not on her own at all.
You now realise that it may have been a kinda delusion.
So you are feeling guilty?
Yes, I wish I could ever leave my arse alone without feeling guilty.
We all need some time to chill out for a bit. You know, to regenerate ourselves.

Because I don't know you. We've never met.
It's four actually, isn't it?
Well, I like it three, feels more dramatic.

How are you today?

2009-05-03T18:36:00.005+01:00

I'm pissed off. utterly pissed off. Every single dickhead out there, just fuck off!

Affordable superficiality

2009-04-20T20:37:00.008+01:00

Why is it harder to make friends as you get older?
Failures, then there isn't much hope left here as used to be.
She turned her shoulder against him.
She saw him walking down and she didn't want him to stop by.
She didn't think she would be able to face him.
She murmured it was a matter of confidence.
Nop. It's a matter of expectation.
What do you want?
How many people you've dumped?
They made me dump them.
You couldn't be that much superficial.
Youth is able to be.
That is why it's getting harder to make friends as you get older.
Is life really not worth without friends?
Is there a place you want to put yourself?
You only fear to be alone.

When you hear the sheer news

2009-04-17T01:42:00.005+01:00

You didn't think you would be worried?
She's always been very frail.
How are you then?

embarrassment is the flower of life; thank you for giving me my husband back

2009-04-16T17:22:00.007+01:00

Hahahaha, why?
Donno, when I first heard that, I just thought it sounds quite plausible.
Yeah, I like that.

It's kind of dirty but that depicts the reality of life, you know, how I see the complexity of life.
Ah.

No. I think you are making it very clear. All the lies and superficiality behind the all love relationship. That's disgusting.

While the shoe hunt was decided, will treat you something nice. How are we going to get nice food in a crappy snack bar, mum? Maybe she meant that "we eat out". Is that a kind of gesture that I AM YOUR CHILD AND YOU ARE THE MUM? Well, as a matter of fact, I don't remember whether I was a child crying out for whatever they want to possess. I didn't want to ask for anything. I didn't want to ask them to be embarrassed, because they couldn't afford nor were false parents not really caring for their child. I said, no I don't want it. I don't need it.mum, I don't want that. I insist. I always tried not to order expensive ones and pretended that I really want to go for that cheap plate. I didn't want mum to know I cared for her pocket. No offence. You don't earn much. So easy to burst into tears, to be deceived by colleagues? I don't think they like me because I am not interested in their life. I don't want to get involved in their gossip. I won't be a friend of theirs, they talk rubbish. I don't talk to them. This is why my boss loves me. I only think about work when I am at work. What do they talk about, mum? Rubbish.oh.so you bragged them? Yeah. Haha and you bought them lunch? Yup. What was I supposed to do? My daughter has won a competition because she is exceptional; the frail and adolecent manner.

Not like feeling insulted or humiliation,
Be precise.
At a very certain degree of exposure the one wouldn't want it publicised, but by whatever reason, chances of inescapable, unavoidables, available in titan black or rather dazzling in a thin moment can only be captured by scientific mind, oh well, just let it go, we've got to laugh about it.

Don't take your life too seriously; you can kiss me now

2009-04-11T23:53:00.004+01:00

Why not?

Oh, o.k.
Why?

Oh, fair enough.
Why?

Oh, yea...

I can't do anything for you, sorry.
Then I'm not going.
Okay.

I want you to come.
Well, I was going to. But it's too much for me...too much inconvenience.
Why aren't you going?
Because I really don't think I can deal with all that shit.

Which part of my body do you like most?
Bum.
Bum.

Because you are weird, huh?
I am perfectly normal to be upset by injustice and insult.
Injustice? Who insulted you? Have I?
No.

Off you go.
The struggle goes on.

Foe of the minority; could have been better

2009-04-10T22:43:00.012+01:00

I'm quite amazed by the fact that everyone seems to understand why I refuse to do that. I didn't explain my reason at all.
Hum, I've heard a lot about them.
I haven't. I just figured it out on my own.
They change into something totally different.
Oh my god, I can see the whole thing now.
They know how to play alone.
Ah, they know it's powerless.

Calm down, there are customers around.
¿Que pasa?
A pissed me off. After all that shit she's done to me, she accused me of telling S the fact for my own protection. Fucking twat.
No doubt, she is the worst and V goes the second.
Yea. The family.

How are you, are you alright?
No.
Why? What happened?
I'm pissed off.
By whom?
People.
Who? Customers?
No.
A member of staff?
Yea, management.
Which one?
T.
Oh, he always pisses me off, too.
I have a long been issue with him. This time, I'm gonna sort him out.
...
I don't like him anyway but I can't believe he talked to you like that. How rude.
I'm gonna do something about that.

She told me that he accused her of being ill and responsible for her baby.
Unbelievable. They don't know how to speak to their staff.

I'm already too old to be that superficial. can't afford to do it.
Don't you try to be my friend. I know you don't care.

Smile; critique of no reason

2009-03-26T23:19:00.008Z

Smile Bommsoon, it doesn't cost any.
Bommsoon, smile.
Smile.
Come on Bommsoon, smile.

Why are you, English people, so obsessed with smile, huh?
I would smile if you make me smile.
Why do you care?

What do you expect from her?
SMILE.
And giggle. HEHEHE.

The action of telling a girl to smile indicates that they don't have life.
The action of smiling at people with no reason indicates that they want to be respected without reason.

I. Robot: Action's good

2009-03-26T01:37:00.005Z

So you've watched it.
Yes, and I quite liked it. Thank you.
Oh you did. Yeah, it's a good movie. Action's really good.

Action's good.
Good movie.

excuse me.

2009-03-25T22:04:00.004Z

I got up very early morning to work.
I pretended that I was fine.
I tried to smile but I reckon I was ugly.
I bought things would help me survive.
I've been thinking why I am thinking about what I've said last night.
I ate like a pig and regret my laziness I conducted for the last few days.
I was a little grumpy because I was offended by things others wouldn't have been by.
I've been frustrated by the bloody hotmail services since 2pm.
I am touchy, be careful, I might bite you.
I have 5 emails I can't read, hope they are not very important, they may not be.
I've tried to understand 8 pages of writing sent to me.
It bored me and I've got to fucking work, I don't know until when, I can never quite engage with.
That's life.
Sod off.

Teenage talk usually conducted by girls

2009-03-22T00:03:00.003Z

...
I was like...then she was like...it was like, like...something like...yeah yeah yeah...it's like...you know like...they were like...he was like...I'm like...someone like...like...like...like...like...like...like...

Shut up.

Day 6

2009-03-21T00:13:00.003Z

I thought I was fine. thought I would be fine.
But shit, I'm fucking scared.

Can a rooster become a saint in a planet where Trichiurus lepturus swims?

2009-03-20T01:08:00.006Z

Yes.

no more

2009-03-16T23:19:00.005Z

bitter sweet reason,
nothing you can look forward to,
zero degree of expectation,
a reply a week later arrives with the very indifference,
says,
I have hadn't any time for you,
finding out there is no chance you can get out of the ugly chain,
it may not be that bad,
over my dead body,
I am not going back to it,
hell no,
you've got to be joking,
you never dreamt of it but you should have imagined this was going to happen at least

IP: the Injured Party, Do you have weed?

2009-03-15T00:17:00.010Z

Excuse me.
Yeah?
Do you have weed?
No, I don't.
You have weed. You have weed.
No, I don't.
Give me your bag. I am gonna stab you to death.
...
Where is your weed?
I said I don't have any.
You have weed. You have weed. I smelt you weed on the bus.
It wasn't me.
You have weed. You have weed.
I don't have weed. I have cigarettes instead.
Where is your money?
I don't have any at the moment.
Where is your money?
Oh...
Sorry.
?
What is this?
It's my MP3 player.
Give me that and give me your phone.
...................God damn it.

The Officer dealing with your case is:

PC 1518 KIRK, BROXTOWE

Incident/ Crime No CW/025444/09

What a wonderful world.

mother fuckers and sneaky bitches

2009-03-14T06:59:00.004Z

in return I won't let you know what you've been.

As expected

2009-03-07T22:37:00.001Z

I didn't deserve it.
Do you think you can go to sleep tonight?

Everything is wrong

2009-03-06T21:51:00.002Z

There was one person before me when I arrived at my local post office,
and there was only one cashier.
I waited for roughly 15 minutes and I decided to give up posting,
I didn't want to miss my bus to town.
The cashier hadn't still finished his job for the guy until I left there.
I got to a bus stop 5minutes before the time the bus was supposed to arrive.
I waited for 20 minutes, the bus didn't come.
I was little stressed out. I went to a shop nearby, bought a pack of cigarettes.
The people waited for the fucking bus with me were still at the bus stop.
I thought I'd better get a different bus so walked a little further down.
The bus arrived very soon, full up with school kids, upstairs and downstairs.
The kids had a lot to say and do.
I got out of the hell in town and got on a bus to work.
An old lady took more than 1 minute each time she got on and off and a block sat near me stunk.
I was 2 minutes late for work. I told people that I was in a bad mood.
But A didn't stop talking on my ear until we finished work.

Every time when I think of you

2009-03-05T18:54:00.003Z

I'm burning to dissolve in great indignation.
Flipping heck, you are the worst nightmare ever.

Knowing you

2009-03-03T23:27:00.002Z

has been fairly dramatic and tested my patience.
The answer is open to your imagination.

nothing wrong with that

2009-02-23T20:47:00.017Z

I run to you with a big hug will prolong until my next return, then I take your words into my heart last my existence.

At some point, you might have had a blackout to know this is not a decision.
You are safe.
You, then, ponder, as if you were at the moment.

I noticed that I was t. h. e. kind of person when I'd just encountered a stranger I shouldn't, in fact, have been suspicious of.

I didn't like the fact that he was trying to give me too much information about him.
I didn't ask. I am not interested in.
I also thought I couldn't bear him smelt little unpleasant.
He was there, in Musée de l'Orangerie where I was alone, wasn't impressed by any work of art.

I'm an artist, I said.
I would like to try art, sometimes, he said.
Oh, why is that?
Well, because I think it's good. I don't really understand art but I'd like to know.
...You don't have to understand art.
...Yea?

Why am I being grumpy?

2009-02-21T23:01:00.002Z

...Just go to sleep.

Things aren't seemingly going well

2009-02-18T22:26:00.001Z

I don't know what to do about it.
Nothing's easy for you, huh?

My apologies

2009-02-14T23:48:00.004Z

It's just that I've been overwhelmed and feeling guilty about being greedy for things I couldn't do on my own.
So thick. Aren't I.

Not if you are happy-II

2009-02-11T21:17:00.014Z

While my miserable first year was heading to the end, I met H in a night coach to Uni.
It was a strange coincidence.
My seat was next to hers and she opened a conversation like; if I was happy with school.
I said NO. Then she said she thinks that it may be quite normal for people like me.
Something hit my head.
She carried on our conversation with care but also with a bit of indifference.
When we were walking down to student hall she asked me if wanted to go to a nice cafe with her.
She said I will like the cafe and she would love to treat me.
I decided to go with her in hesitancy.
I was curious. Humm...she wants to have more chat with me.
Why?

I remembered her very bright in critical seminars I had attended.
She ruled the whole class.
She was the most eloquent, interesting and brutally opinionated student amongst many others.
I had an urge to challenge her and prompt others to speak.
She gave me a smile. I was a little confused.

Not if you are happy

2009-02-09T23:55:00.004Z

I first met H13 years ago, back in 1996 at uni where I did my first degree.
She was a second year student and I was a fresher.
First a few months I was very unhappy with the imperative mood suspended in the whole department. I didn't want to associate with anyone. I hardly talked. I wanted to leave.
I saw her talking to someone in their studio space.
Her scruffy clothes, pale little face veiled her volatility and the heels...dark filthy heels undefended confident in bulky high heel sandals.
It was freezing cold, the day I noticed her.
I thought she was crazy.

I had to drop my following year and worked for a year.
When I got back to University to carry out my second year, she was still there.
She said she failed her second year.

Just stop there.
Let me cringe.
How could you be so thick?
You are exhibiting your stupidity by the crude outward decorum.

Would you be so kind enough to tell me if I met your expectation?

Who is she?

2009-02-04T00:31:00.005Z

I asked her mother.
Then she wondered who I was.
You don't know how I feel about your daughter either.
You are free to think of me crazy mischief.
You laughed, you will talk about me when I'm gone and will remember me.
I guess I am very into your daughter.
I adore her face and the perfect bottom that I'm always tempted to squeeze.
Oh, and I also love the way she reacts to my misbehaviour.
But I don't miss her in her absence.

How's your new house?
The boys put the toilet seat down.
A asks me if I wanted a cup of tea when he puts the kettle on.
I don't fancy him nor does he.
There is a nice little garden I can go out for a cigarette.
She is the first Korean I've ever met.

Well...you know I said, I said,
I want it more than anything else!
That's my girl.

Things seem to go well.

2009-02-02T20:16:00.001Z

You have been working hard.
I do hope you will make a fruiful result.

To enjoy life

2009-01-10T20:07:00.002Z

is not to live the way you do

Too many things to do

2009-01-04T23:48:00.001Z

to go crazy!

Upbeat voice

2008-12-25T02:53:00.003Z

gets on my nerves.

Yes, you are right.

2008-12-19T23:04:00.010Z

It doesn't mean anything to me.
I detest festive season and the mob psychology disgusts me.

I remember when I was about 11 or 12,
there was a summer special horror series on TV hit the whole country.
I enjoyed watching it just like others did,
but I liked it only because I thought it was a bit of joke.
Then one day mum worried that I wasn't over 15 asked me,
Oh Bommsoon... that's very creepy, isn't it?
Mum, am I supposed to be scared of it?
It is a horror series.
Well...pt. then yes, I am a little.
Is this what you wanted to hear?
I recognise all the makeup and disguises, fuck sake.
And look at the crap special effects, can't you see it?

I went to a local cinema for the first time in my life through a school event.
I was...9 and everyone else was under 12.
What is this about?
The space triumvirate will save us from dangerous aliens.
I think they won't. It's all fake. They are actors, in fact one of them is a comedian, don't you remember him?
Shut up. The space triumvirate FOREVER!

During the World Cup 2002, I was a final year student at uni.
I was enraged when they stopped lectures to watch football matches, forced donations to install a gigantic screen in the campus- fuck off, I'm not giving a penny away-, the massive number of multitudes suddenly turned into patriotic supporters completely paralysed traffic- bloody hell- and most associates I hung out with at uni criticised me- a weirdo, a traitor, etc- for not taking part.
Why?
Why should it mean something to me?
You, the mass, the mob, petrifying.

Then I struggle with my own stupidity

2008-12-18T17:21:00.006Z

I would normally wake up with a slight worry towards undisclosed affairs in the time to come.
The moment I recognise that I've returned to slow consciousness reckons perpetual music from my stereo I had put on for the alarm set, careless noises my housemates' making, sunlight penetrating a close, or my guilt about impotence in myself is always determined to possess its existence.
Thanks for calling. You know we are at big hours difference.
I don't care what you've been doing and will do, I am sorry.
Please don't tell me things I didn't ask and you'd better not ask me things you won't ever understand. You couldn't see anything.
Ah, I don't like this. I doubt it.
You wander around out of hand.
I say I'm quite happy with some nice new music I discovered recently, and and I'm waiting for books I've ordered.

Vertigo

2008-12-14T19:38:00.003Z

If there is nothing left to talk about between us,
that's fine by me.

Lively solitary

2008-12-10T01:36:00.002Z

I thoroughly enjoyed tonight.
Ah, so nice.

Just like the Dec 2005

2008-12-04T17:31:00.004Z

This Dec is.

Have I said what I had to say today?

2008-11-30T18:50:00.001Z

I am not so sure.

Heading to the end, my dear friend Diane

2008-11-29T21:47:00.013Z

How sweet of you describing me that way.
Thanks.
I might give it a little time.
I reckon, the door's never been open, or locked.
I am exhausted, I am disappointed, I am unable to move, I have broken arms and legs.
I live by the inertia I can't possibly get away from.
I look down on little pleasures and resist your custom.
I will not act on your dubious custom anymore.
I will not let you in.
Why hesitate? Just break in.

Let me make things clear for you

2008-11-26T09:44:00.004Z

Some feelings aren't momentary.
It still hurts.

It will pass soon

2008-11-24T20:23:00.002Z

don't be too distressed.
I'm sure you will change your mind tomorrow.
Feelings fade.

Don't get your hopes up

2008-11-23T21:59:00.002Z

and do not run away from it.
I know it's going to be hard for you, but face it.
Let's see who you can be.
Whoever you become I will be with you.
I sometimes worried about you when you spoke about your dad.
Get over it, you've got to get over it.
I've never been honest about it.
I know.
What you don't know frightens you.
Grasp a moment pushing you most uneasy.
Take it as it is.

Oh dear, you are late again

2008-11-17T01:00:00.005Z

How could you possibly come this time?
You told me to be patient, not punctual.
I didn't listen to you, I listened to You.
I never thought C would talk to me in that much friendly way, EVER.
Oh god, look at that fat grumpy face.
You have nothing to worry about, C is just being jealous.
Good lord, C smiled.
It wasn't nauseous, rather amusing after a year and 4 months void.
Thanks.
I mean it.

Parrhesia

2008-11-11T22:16:00.004Z

I've started to wonder why Foucault was interested in this term.

Courage to say

2008-11-10T21:38:00.002Z

that I love you.
I love you just as you are.
Please don't get hurt by the way I am.
I pretend things that you wouldn't ever know.
You don't allow people to love you.
My pal despondency doesn't let me do it.
Take a risk, be courageous and let yourself be in danger.
The purpose of saying it is to pass by.

I don't need to know what I should or shouldn't do

2008-11-09T23:12:00.002Z

So don't tell me what to do.
You clearly remembered my expression that I won't ever be able to spot.
It's still imperative.
Still?
That's you, I remember.
The footsteps get on my nerves.
It sounded that they were happy talking to each other last night.
I was furious in the middle of sleep.
I will go and then you will fade into insignificance.

Learn to be patient

2008-11-09T20:19:00.001Z

Ok.

I say that's healthy to be suicidal

2008-11-03T20:42:00.005Z

I said I want to die everyday although I haven't made it happen.
She says, that's very normal.
We've just been imposed against ending our lives.
I hate it.
Fuckit.
What do we have to live for?
I didn't choose to be born.
I don't have to cope with all this shit.
To thank.
I think I should stop talking to you for a little while.
So you did?
Yes, I did.
I easily get disillusioned.
There must be something that you wish to continue.
The reason why I couldn't kill myself is that it was so beautiful.
I wanted to keep looking at it, the beautiful land.
We first met there and you met my first friend looking for me in a snowstorm the day I had a present.
You both told me about each other.
God bless, you are with me.
You are special, she's been missing.
Please don't die on me.
How weird.

Good idea

2008-11-02T00:00:00.002Z

I think I should make a list of favourites, and
I should learn to be patient,
I should smile more,
I should eat less,
I should see the sun more,
I should treat myself to sth.
I should get you out of my mind.

It's hard

2008-10-30T02:27:00.000Z

People.

Exquisite confession

2008-10-29T22:12:00.004Z

It was embarrassing.
You seemed most intelligent when you said that so straight.
It was?

Trivial.
It was trivial, shallow or even wrong to me.
I understand it was of myself in fact.
Wonderful.

You, fat alcoholic.
Good to see you.

Estranged from authority

2008-10-28T19:33:00.009Z

I met J years ago when H had become an activist, started working for the biggest rebellious organisation in Korea.
I was glad to hear H was enjoying working there and fell in love with the director since I disapproved of her engagement with her long term ex-boyfriend who used to beat her from time to time.
Once I found out her ex who I never really got on with treated her badly, I dragged H from their flat and kept her in my place for six months.
She went on seeing him.
I took her to doctor's. I was worried if she was pregnant.
I made my journey only to meet her new man, to check up on him.
I liked him as soon as I talked to him, but H told me that he was still with his fiancée. Brilliant.

I only noticed J when all of us (absolutely everyone) were offended by the crap opera, we were invited to, so decided to make a quick move to a pub so that we could talk loud about it.
On the way to a pub she was already talking very loud with great sarcasm.
I first didn't like the loud manner but in terms of the contents thought she was funny and interesting.
I wanted to know who the person was.
Oh my lord, she is hideous. I thought.
I then discovered that J was a board member of the organisation, Uni lecturer with a doctorate degree in Korean literature and infamous play critic.
A few months later when half of my aesthetics study group members went on their postgraduate studies so we decided to stop meeting, I joined their philosophy seminar sessions.
I met J again.
I actually didn't mind J and nor did she.
I barely knew anyone apart from H so felt a little bit isolated, but the day I was late for the seminar things changed.
Everyone laughed so much, especially J couldn't stop laughing for so long and probably she still laughs about it.
They said I was hilarious, said I was what exactly H used to describe me to them.
J thought I was just like her.
Everyone agreed we were identical.
I didn't understand what it actually meant.

That's abuse.
In terms of the similarity between us,
she's just been disappointed at which I am.

H is still in love with the same guy.
I am happy for her.
I am happy too, but I never expected this was going to be this hard.
I know it very well.
I won't say more if that's what you want to go through.

Your day

2008-10-27T23:45:00.002Z

I lied to you.
Have I ruined your day?

13 minute desolation

2008-10-26T19:55:00.012Z

Around 13.46pm today.
There was a warm contagious lump underneath unguarded pale curves see through a fine freckle lying on thin veins forgotten hunger.
I wished you would be dissipated soon in burning sight unreasoned calm never been mine.
Who will remember this has seen it.
I ran into you there was a wooden bench I sat.
People I despised, people I loved, people I never met will welcome my return I insist.
It's time to go back that's nothing.
You want to go back no more holding his myth.
Live on what you think it was physical.
Have I become healthier to say I want to go back than want to die.
Hold on a minute.

I can't tell you

2008-10-25T05:06:00.005+01:00

It will bring me to light.
All my honesty you've seen was to play this game, to fight against my will.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (10)

2008-10-21T22:24:00.009+01:00

Hello, mate.
Yes.
I couldn't go to sleep.
Oh dear, why?
Something worries me.
What is it?
You know S.
Have I told you that I decided to end a relationship with one of my mentors at uni?
Well...it rings me a bell.
He was very nice to me but his attitude was not healthy.
I didn't like the way he tried to read my mind.
But I think you do that too.
It always freaks me out when you watch people with knowing what's going on but not saying anything.
Do I really do that?
Yeap, and I don't like it even if it is not my case.
What is going on and I just watch?
You perfectly sense that the person in front of you is behaving abnormally or spiteful, but you never say a word for a while.
Do I?
Yes!
That's a little cruel although I don't think it's a bad thing to do.
Do I watch them with a blank expression on my face?
Of course not. You are slightly laughing at them.
I see.
You may not be the same person now though.
It could be quite scary then.
It is indeed.
I may have done it today.
Then you have done it.
However, in fact, I genuinely did not know what I was required to say or do due to the very meandering manner.
Humm...you didn't.
It irritated me, but I didn't ask her what she really wanted from me.
Leave it cool or make yourself be used to it.
I don't mean this is not a place, this is a part of the place.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (09)

2008-10-14T19:24:00.004+01:00

Been there for a long time.
I only figured that I am still thinking about you.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (08)

2008-10-10T01:19:00.003+01:00

I have considered living like you.
I totally envy your way to conduct life.
She often told me that she only needs men to have sex or to objectify herself.
You can still know that love does not exist even if you haven't experienced a serious relationship.
We like to get together, we can talk for hours about various subjects and that's enjoyable and we take care of each other, but it does not mean I'm in love with him.
I was terrified by the nightmare I became hermaphrodite.
I am bearing with a creature I might have left if I am, I was.
Is this just enduring, ways and means to be fair, learning to grow or wanting?
You shouldn't be if you didn't want to.
I'd like you to know that.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (07)

2008-10-08T00:16:00.009+01:00

I have noticed that we both do not believe in each other.
We pretend and only said so.
Congratulations.
T actually had said to me that T did not TRUST anyone on that particular occasion.
I laughed but at the same time I also asked myself whether I did or not.
Neither did I.
I had left it open.
I chose not to make my mind up.
Not like my mind, my grown-up corpse worries instruction.
Admit that.
I may not be capable of facing the world.
You, have a good day.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (06)

2008-10-03T00:36:00.003+01:00

I honestly thought she would have been the cleverest woman I will ever meet.
Well..she is clever but probably not the most intelligent.
I was scared of how I would be mirrored in her eyes.
I saw myself very clearly over the last few days she has frequently become “ordinary” or below, sorry about this.
I have always fought against prejudice might disrupt my own sights.
I wasn’t influenced by specific others’ but realised that I was indeed, by others’ in general. I mean the social ones, the very big invisible one.
I want to kill her sometimes.
Yes, right now, right here with wild and sharp shouts.
Oh, I jumped from her to her.
That’s her testing my patience.
Well… perhaps her too.
I just wanted to announce that I am not afraid to demonstrate my stupidity today.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (05)

2008-10-02T21:19:00.012+01:00

The weather is getting cold here.
I never liked coldness.
But is it I should be familiar with now?
What should I be familiar with?
I have started thinking of leaving this city.
Thought I should be moving on. It is always people, make me moving.
The way they look at me, the way I feel onto it and the way I think I should be.
But what should I be?
By talking to S today I realised that I never do what I really want to do.
I have never done at least. Should I start doing it now? Or shouldn't I?
What if I don't know what it might be?
So sensitive myself to smell, I sometimes wake up from sleep,
notice I have not emptied the little bin beside my bed for a while.
I've got to empty it, I walk down with a bin bag, open the front door witness outside house. Surreal. Always it looks I am unaccustomed to.
The big council bin is never clean, I then wash my hands, frown at a hair in the basin if there is any, get back to my room.
On the way back to my place, I hear the boy next door snoring loudly or sometimes hear the 18stone fat boy watching TV upstairs.
Then I will never be able to get back to sleep soon.
Should I be that so sensitive to smell? I guess I shouldn't, but how can I be insensitive to or unaware of?
I wanted to sense everything in this world.
I wanted to appreciate as many as possible. I did not want to miss a thing.
As I am getting older I feel that I appreciate more things and I like it.
But the truth is it has not very changed the core in me.
Although it is apparent that I have moved into a new region of living where I thought I replaced people could be around me, nothing seems different.
It doesn't matter where they are from, where they belong to now or how I get to know them.
I am not afraid of losing anymore.I am not so glad of having anymore.
There aren't any I know of.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (04)

2008-09-26T00:46:00.010+01:00

This is what you are.
Get pissed off by things you can't have, then
burn your jealousy instead to be glad at others' good news
polish your vanity but do not show it
things aren't getting better because of you
it is that you want to die, not you will die
it is not us can change, it is you can change
the door handle to will isn't outside, that is inside
only you can open
if I really want to listen to you?
even if you may speak slow or vulgar, neither of which is my type?
I don't know, I may not like you that way,
but I am curious to know what it would be like to watch you; knowing I won’t possibly like it but chose not to be afraid to show yourself.
I am excited.
I don’t think you are that pessimistic.
As you know, the problem is that you are broken so sad.
You aren’t negative at all.
Let you be slow.
You will be fine if you can try not to be something.

Well…he said, he is a professor at a University in New York.
I now see that he told me the truth.
Yes, I recognise his face on the little photo.
Hi, I found you.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (03)

2008-09-02T00:39:00.004+01:00

I said, in my essay I wrote for a “special activity” in the very large nursery school.
They asked us to write anything we had felt or thought of church.
They said ‘anything’ but I wondered what if ‘anything’ doesn’t include my opinion?
We were given an hour.
I spent about 40 minutes on thinking and looking at my teacher’s face becoming so desperate to make me write really ‘anything’.
I asked,
Can you promise me that you said I could write ‘anything’ related to church?
She answered,
Yes, I promise.
Please just write ‘anything’.
I won one of the prizes, don’t remember if it was the second or third but I am sure it was definitely not the first.
I was stunned anyway.
They kept their promise.
My Miss graceful announced that they thought my criticism, well...what I had seen Christianity and education in church I experienced, was refreshing.
My essay was almost like this; I don’t like this and that because...I understand that but don’t understand why this is what...I think it is wrong because...I believe it should be this way...
Not to hope.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (02)

2008-08-29T01:24:00.004+01:00

We, my mum and dad and me, were on a train travelling.
A stereotypical loser, my dad, sorry dad but that’s how I remember you, asked me to sing a song.
I sense that he wants to draw attention through me.
I feel obligated to sing a song in a third class train.
I start singing without hesitation.
No, no, not that you made up. Can you sing a song that we know?
He said to stop me. He got embarrassed.
I don’t know what you know.
I haven’t learned any songs yet.
I haven’t even started school.
The nursery school I go to only teach hymns.
I fucking hate it.

I don’t remember if I experienced the world (01)

2008-08-28T01:45:00.004+01:00

Since I was little, I have often spent hours daydreaming about anything not real.
Both my parents were always away from home, so I didn’t talk to them much.
Other kids who I should have played with weren’t very...I preferred to be on my own.
I learned to read quite quickly and it prompted my parents to buy me a collection of children books despite the penury we had to endure.
I didn’t think all the stories made sense but I decided to add things, I thought would have made them more believable and interesting, to them.
I soon finished reading the whole collection, but my parents couldn’t afford to buy me new books.
I said, I would read them again.
I read them until I could recite every single detail,
but I could never repeat the same stories.
I was taken over by one of many, myself.

Crescent lunatic

2008-08-26T01:43:00.000+01:00

I hardly knew my honesty and outspokenness could be real hell.
It didn’t leave me.
It has come back to me petrifying gleam.
The advice from someone fine won’t help someone having a difficult time.
It never will.
I have decided to leave you for a while.
Thought I should stop suffering from your scale.
The days I have chosen will make things discrete.
I mean the burp will turn to be necessary before I drink water.
It is not kindness but a skill not making troubles.
You are right.
I feel suicidal but it doesn’t mean I will die soon.

Information about you

2008-08-20T02:45:00.004+01:00

You wanted to be clear.
The transparency of glass provokes clashes.
Mind you, it has a face.
I also noticed that mirror itself isn’t clear.
It only gives us an impression of it.
I have broken arms and legs, but you are sick.
You can’t walk and I am going to shrink.
You didn't know courage results from selfishness?
Why do you think you burst into tears?
It told me why I tried not to know.
I didn’t think I could tell you this.
I hoped you would tell me.
I needed to learn how not to take it.

Descriptions of 11 females

2008-08-19T00:29:00.002+01:00

I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.

What am I laughing at?

2008-08-18T03:02:00.001+01:00

Get a grip, Bommsoon.

A phenomenon

2008-08-16T22:43:00.007+01:00

I knew he was looking at my open diary.
When I was just about to leave my country,
I found his statement about me in his blog.
He said he could have loved me.
I knew he was ready to love me, but I didn't let him do it.
I never gave him a chance.
I never liked the way he was.
He was a coward.
He was hurt.
He was a total wreck.
He then realised, as he stated, it was the reason I left him behind.
I was released, glad he finally got it.
And I wondered if I wasn't hurt.
I was hurt too.
I didn't want to look back.
I was afraid of looking at myself fucked up.

You need to see things correctly, she says.
How? I ask.
How? She repeats.
Separate facts and hopes.
What's the difference?
Then she remains in silence.
It's all a matter of faith, huh? Faith in life. But the thing is we have it or don't have it. Its existence or non existence is not subject to variation. I shout out.
Try not to be taken in. She says quietly.
I understand what you mean my love.
I cannot describe how much I miss you.
I have started to enjoy this cold but you are always in my mind.
I lied that I was happy for your commitment.
I am madly jealous of it.
Being your only friend doesn't mean anything.
I feel terribly insecure.
I live at present.

Too many eyes

2008-08-16T01:11:00.007+01:00

Somebody just rang the bell.
I don't know who it was.
I do not care.
It is not the right time I should respond to it.
I met a couple where I work today.
I've been working in that place for about 1 year.
I only noticed them coming there last month and spoke
to a man that I saw him with her a few days later.
I then finally bumped into them today.
I tried to give a good impression,
to whom I thought I should have been.
I do not care who might be standing outside for me.
I've been chuckling at myself for the last 2 days.
Some colleagues were just happy to see me smiling,
some asks why I was going mad.
I responded that I had a really funny conversation with someone,
and it stays in my mind.
Then I was asked who I had a conversation with.
I did not want to let them know.
That is this.
If I tell people about it, I may lose the moment.
A tenacious boy asked if it was secret.
I said, no.
I do not want to tell him.
He would not understand the whole situation.
I do not even want to give him a brief description.
He could never understand what it was like.
But he asks again.
Oi.
I had to say something is not true.
Why don't you let me be myself?

An Example of Bilingual Dialogue

2008-08-15T02:25:00.005+01:00

It's me, Bommsoon says:
min?
[Min] says:
why?
It's me, Bommsoon says:
did you get my msg?
[Min] says:
흑.;;
[Min] says:
msg가 모여?
[Min] says:
what' is msg-_-
It's me, Bommsoon says:
message
[Min] says:
무슨 메시지..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
or massage. hahaha
[Min] says:
무슨말했었는데
[Min] says:
어떤 메시지인지 몰러..;
[Min] says:
말혀봐
It's me, Bommsoon says:
i said
It's me, Bommsoon says:
i made a blog
[Min] says:
아 봤다..
[Min] says:
회사에서 봐서
[Min] says:
나중에 확인했다
[Min] says:
근데 주소는 지금 회사에 있당.;;
[Min] says:
해외 사이트에 개설했더군..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
yes
It's me, Bommsoon says:
becasue
[Min] says:
지난번꺼보다는 그래도 상당히 친절해졌더군..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
did you read any?
[Min] says:
약간봤어
[Min] says:
회사에서 확인해서..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
if you remember any
It's me, Bommsoon says:
do you think
[Min] says:
nothing..;;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
my writing style in english is fairly the same as my korean
It's me, Bommsoon says:
?
[Min] says:
흐흐 한마디로 라이팅 스킬이 어떤지 봐달라는거여..;;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
no
[Min] says:
흑...누구핱네 봐달라는겨..;;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
style
[Min] says:
몰라..
[Min] says:
솔직히 바뻐서 꼼꼼히 못챙겼어
[Min] says:
다시 주소 주소
It's me, Bommsoon says:
http://moveyourspring.blogspot.com/
[Min] says:
지금 모친이 아침 먹으라고한다
It's me, Bommsoon says:
haha
[Min] says:
보고서 방명록에 남길꼐
[Min] says:
그럼 수고
It's me, Bommsoon says:
ok

Impressed?

2008-08-14T01:30:00.004+01:00

I saw you needed to be asked, but I didn’t want to hear about what you had to say.
I am sorry if that hurt you.
It hurt myself.
You knew I noticed that you’d wanted me to make an inquiry but I deliberately didn’t.
Nevertheless, do you not want to know why I didn’t at that moment?
I will tell you why when the moment becomes appropriate for both of us.
If you were angry about it, we still need a chat.
Well...let’s say, we invest a momentary cut for thirst rather than being angry about the retina gets unclear.
Simple theory.

...don't know what to say...

2008-08-13T03:32:00.007+01:00

It is not because you are fractious it is because they make me angry you are wrong i am not willing to tolerate you unfair you sitting on the fence you quiet and also you have no idea what’s going on i will make things uneasy for you will not shut my mouth up the death of sanity the origin of contagion the miasma of recession paralysing vitality i wish you don’t change you don’t beautiful the moment you go extreme bipolar I’m exhausted but don’t feel like sleeping at all think it's red inapplicable two reds adjustable at your private manual typed by lesser mortals wandering in a cage open.

Ultimately incorrect

2008-08-11T22:36:00.003+01:00

Sorry.
It’s not what you think.
I’ve never meant it.
Let this play goes up in the air.
You try to butter me up.
I don’t like it at all.
I expressed myself ever so clearly today,
but it won’t be impeccably true tomorrow.
Every possible flavour is up to your determination.
Give it a go.

Your sensitivity

2008-08-10T17:33:00.005+01:00

There were a boy and a girl walked pass.
I saw them through my adequate windowpane.
It was a day I felt ever so alone.
It was a day the sky was fairly clear.
I shouldn't have been depressed on a day like that.
But I couldn't stop thinking about you.
I hope you have been thinking about me too.

The girl I saw was wearing glasses had bobbed hair but with no other belongings.
The boy walked along seemed to be paying great attention to the girl.
He had a few questions for her and kept checking her facial responses.
He was full of curiosity about her and had a bag full of unknowns.

I wonder if you had brown eyes or dark grey.
Was it something different colour?
I don't remember.
I never remember what you look like.
I can tell how I feel about it,
but I can't describe you face.
I looked at you many times,
but I never had a chance to remember your look.

I only remember your words.
The words saw through me.

I'm sure you have encountered countless moments before you talked about this.
The person I know must have.
Are you saying that you want to avoid this?
Did you say that you want to be diplomatic?
If you want to be wise I think you should carry this.
Not to confront it, just to let it be around.
But I see you are already dealing with it.
You will go through it well.

All of which flawed in my mind has started to fester.
You know, I don't always go for queries.

This is time you rub your forehead

2008-08-10T11:51:00.000+01:00

You might also want to feel your index finger nail on your upper lip.
You see it's firm but delicate, cooler than the fingertip.
Unfamiliar activity?
What does it remind you of?
I'm glad that the weather is not so severe.
I have quite a few books to read.
But none of them I want to open up right now.
Their potential to infect my knowledge at the very back of the red lump pulsating scares me.
I am the core of the apple you chose.
Your concern for the scent of victory.
Remove the flesh.
Find me.
Find your interior yearing will whet your appetite for hydro sweetheart.
Hurry up.
I'm impatient.

Everyone lives in their own way

2008-08-09T17:36:00.008+01:00

Do you know 'leave'?
Do you mean 'live' or 'leave'?
I know you meant 'leave'.
There is a difference between an 'opened window' and 'unopened window'.
You make a choice.
The window is right in front of you.
Do you want to see the world through it or do you want to feel its immensity?
You will make the right choice.
I believe in you.
I wish you like me, not to be like me.
Cool and grey.
If you are in.
Slight discomfort.
If you are out.
But you are dealing with it anyway.
found it difficult?
it's never easy.
Do not despair.
Is that all you can say?
You might want to say something sweet, honey.
Try to fine one for me.
In this misery, we need some sweets.
I had a whole packet of chocolate raisins.
I couldn't stop it last night.
I was so deserate for comfort.
I had no one to talk to.
I never needed you.
You are independent.
Well...I don't want to be.
I just have to be,
otherwise I will fall apart.
Are you listening?
I don't think anyone has listened my compilation properly, daring.
They are not interested.
Has my explanation badly influenced your motivation?
Let's see who wanted know themselves better.
See who's got me.